You had a difficult week, and it feels like every possible thing went wrong. There are many different strategies you could use to process your feelings, one of which would be to vent to someone else. There is nothing wrong with releasing your unpleasant feelings by talking to another person, but it is also important to use this tool in the right way. At Carolina Dunes Behavioral Health in Leland, North Carolina, we try to help our patients find the best ways to manage stress so that it doesn’t negatively impact their mental health.
Consider Your Audience
Who you choose to vent to can have a big impact on how productive the conversation will be. If you are talking to someone who is messing around on their phone, not really listening to you, who dismisses your feelings and gets you even more upset than you already were, that probably isn’t going to be very beneficial. You would likely do better to talk to someone who is:
- Invested in you
- Able to listen patiently
- Empathetic
Be Considerate of Your Audience
In addition to choosing a good listener, you should also probably consider how often you’re asking the person to let you vent. Even if your loved ones care deeply about you, if every conversation turns into an extensive gripe session, their empathy may wear thin and the relationship could eventually become strained.
It might feel strange to ask a friend, family member or colleague for their permission to vent, but doing so shows that you respect their time and acknowledge that listening to another person’s complaints might require more emotional labor than they are prepared to invest at that moment. By allowing them to say if and when they are ready to listen, you are facilitating a more productive dialogue. It’s also important that you don’t just ask, but that you also accept their answer graciously.
Balancing Positive and Negative
It is important to acknowledge and discuss painful topics, but it is also good to find reasons to be grateful and celebrate the successes in your life. Not only will listeners enjoy talking to you more if you balance joyful and difficult topics, but it will also benefit your own well-being, by helping you to remember the pleasant things that you have going for you.
Spinning Your Wheels
It’s not good for your own mental health to ruminate on your frustrations too much. If you’re having long rants, to a bunch of people, on the same topic or rehashing it without making any changes to how you’re addressing your concern, then it could take a toll on your health. It’s one thing to talk through a situation to let go of the emotions and get ideas for how to handle it, but it’s entirely another to complain without taking responsibility for accepting or resolving the issue that is upsetting you.
Other Stress Management Tools
If you’re finding that venting is not effective for you or that your support people aren’t as readily available to listen as you might like, you can try other ways to handle your stress and difficult emotions. Some ideas include:
- Deep breathing, meditation, and grounding exercises: There are free online resources that you can use to learn different techniques. Practicing these when you’re not feeling stressed will make it easier for you to remember to use them when you are struggling and will increase the chances that they will be effective for you.
- Exercise: Moving your body gets more oxygen to your brain, which then produces more “feel good” chemicals. Both of these will impact your ability to problem-solve effectively.
- Journaling: Tracking your feelings and experiences in writing can help you to let go of unhappy thoughts and emotions and also make it easier for you to identify patterns you might otherwise miss, in your own behaviors, interactions, and perceptions.
- Art or music: Whether you’re making your own art or music or enjoying what someone else has created, there is power in creative expression and it can be very healing.
- Outdoor time: Spending time around animals, in a garden, at a park, hiking in the woods, or turning natural materials into art projects can all benefit your stress levels.
- Hobbies: Many people experience peace, a sense of accomplishment, and happiness from engaging in an area of interest.
Seeking Professional Help
If you’re having a large or ongoing issue that is difficult to resolve, it might be time to seek out therapy. Mental health practitioners are professionally trained to help people through difficult life experiences and attending therapy may allow you to shift the difficult discussions to your counselor so that you can focus on having happy experiences with the people you love. Signs that it is time to seek out a therapist include:
- Having one or more issues that are interfering with your ability to complete the tasks you need or want to do.
- Having a problem that has been going on for a while and is not getting better.
- Your work, sleep schedule, or appetite are suffering.
- The things that used to make you happy no longer bring you any joy.
- The people you would normally talk to are not able to support you for whatever reason.
At Carolina Dunes, we offer in-patient treatment for people who are experiencing a mental health crisis. We offer our patients and their families a wide range of tools to manage their mental health, so that they can return to their homes and communities quickly and safely.
